Presidential Hysteria
by Redhead Turk
Summary: When a certain corporate president visits a certain website, the legal system along with sexual freedom is thrown out the window. The latest addition to the Hysteria Series. Please R&R!


The Presidential Hysteria

Rufus Shinra, also known by the name of "The Blond Hottie", "Mr. Perfect", 'Prince Charming" by the fangirls, "Elena's Brother" by the Author, and "The Fruit-Fruit train" by a certain redhead who shall go unnamed because he feared for his life and specifically requested so, was a man of high class, if nothing else. In fact, he was so high class that he wore a white suit 24/7. Never mind that the Turks, and especially that certain redhead who shall again go unmentioned, were field agents and their black suits got dirty as hell and needed more dry-cleaning than the corporate president, who, according to the redhead who will go unmentioned because he likes to get paid and would not want his wage docked off for badmouthing his boss, did nothing but sit behind his desk in an air-conditioned or heated room and look pretty. But what kind of a woman is to refuse a good-looking man who was drowning in money?

He was casually web-surfing one day because, as the certain redhead had said, he really had nothing better to do. Reno was out, which meant that he was causing havoc and chaos (and probably some accidental damage to Rude during the process) outside, and he was the only troublemaker that seriously needed discipline. Never mind that words like responsibility or discipline never existed in Reno's dictionary. But Rufus was bored. VERY bored. He had already solved the sudoku puzzle book at hand, and the precise reason why Reno wasn't around was because Rufus sent him out on a perilous mission... to buy more. It was only after Reno scampered away with a maniac glee on his face that Rufus realized that A, he picked the worst person ever to send out on a shopping mission, B, he might never see the redhead again, C, if he didn't, the best bet was Honeybee Inn or jail, and D, he was still bored.

It was then that Rufus noticed a pop-up. Usually he would have clicked the X in the right upper-hand corner irritantly, but this pop-up was an ad that caught his attention. He read it with class, as only a man his status, his beauty, and his narcissism was wont to do.

"FANFICTION DOT ORG - RELEASE YOUR IMAGINATION!

WE HAVE COLLECTIONS OF FANFICTIONS WRITTEN BY RANGES OF PEOPLE, FROM PROFESSIONAL WRITERS TO NOVICES!

GENRE RANGING FROM GAMES TO CLASSICS!

VISIT NOW!"

Rufus was intrigued. He was an important man and quite a good-looking one at that, so of course there'd be fictions about him! Curiosity killed the cat but clearly this young president never got the message. Or his narcissism and his ego that was bigger than Reno's got the better of him. Anyway, he clicked on the link.

Wrong choice.

He should have known. Oh yes. After all, it was only weeks before that Reno went to the same website for the same reason and went into a hysterical fit that sent Elena flying, Rude wimpering, Tseng hiding behind a cabinet and a random secretary from downstairs quite dead. But Rufus had one huge problem - he managed to twist an important lesson into something that suited him right then, then got him into knee-deep shit later. Some people called him too clever for his own good, and others - like that certain redhead - thought that he was a douchebag who clearly didn't get the important memo that yes, in fact, he was a douchebag.

He selected Game, Final Fantasy VII for the category, then "RUFUS SHINRA" for the character. What genre should he pick? Ah yes, Romance...

It was the wrong choice, but Reno wasn't around to warn the perils. So he clicked on the first link that showed up.

The blond blinked.

And blinked again.

Then rubbed his eyes, and blinked again.

He could not believe his eyes. The first thing that popped into his vision was a steamy sex scene between him and... Reno?!

Wait, WHAT?!

"As the wave of building pleasure started to wash over the redhead, the Turk threw his head back against the desk as his hips arched into the air and into..." The writer would love to expose the rest of the graphic display, but then the rating would turn into M and that would not be the intent, so the rest of the passionate love-making would have to remain secret.

Many a hero would have died within the first phrase, Reno himself included, from shame and disgust. And not many things disturbed the insane redhead. But not only was this mortifyingly embarassing, this was bordering sexual harrassment. Rufus considered calling his lawyer and then Sephiroth and then the Turks in that order, Lawyer to pass a regulation banning all homosexual acts, Sephiroth to kill the damn author who wrote that shit and the Turks to hack into the database server and destroy all the fanfictions that revolved around Rufus displaying certain acts of lovemaking that was clearly against what Lifestream intended. Oh, throw in "Kill the fan-authors and the owners of the website" as a good measure as well.

After meaninglessly blinking at the computer screen for a few seconds, he clicked "BACK" and went onto the next one.

"The general served the President by gently caressing his..."

Rufus' brain was about to explode from the sheer graphic-ness of the description. My god, he never knew _that_ part of anatomy had so many names!

Next. "The vampire bit into the slender neck..."

Wait, Vincent was a vampire?!

SINCE WHEN?!

HE HAD A VAMPIRE IN THE ADMINISTRATIVE RESEARCH DEPARTMENT?!

He made a mental note to check the Turks for any signs of vampire-dom when they came back. He decided not to read any more of Vincent's sexual advance on himself, no doubt it was more steamy smut created by a morbid, sickening mind of a fangirl who thought that it was God's destiny for two beautiful heterosexual men to partake in a highly unproductive activity.

The next one cracked him, shattered his sanity into pieces.

"The older man caressed his son's delicate cheeks with a hideous hedonism in his eyes. 'My son...' he crooned, a sick pleasure twisting his face.

Rufus could do nothing but tremble in fear, his body stark naked, legs..."

Okay! He did not want to know what kind of position he was in. Not only was sodomy sickening, but his OWN FATHER was raping him! Red flashing sirens screaming "INCEST INCEST!" flashed in Rufus' head, along with his own father's image, who, as a matter of fact, hardly saw his son because he was too busy as a corporate president.

Rufus Shinra, unlike his subordinates, did not "lose it". Instead, he picked up his phone from his desk and dialed a number. "Hello...?"

A few days later, Midgar newspapers were decorated by the front page stating that now all media depicting sodomy and any act relating to it was hereby illegal, and all those who broke the law would be sent to the Science department of the Shinra Company as a test specimen or immediately executed.

Just as that was going on, many girls began to disappear. Just before the disappearance, it was reported, strange people wearing a dark-coloured suit was seen to be around their residences. Their PC's were all seemed to be destroyed or confiscated.

People knew something was going on, but no one said anything.

After all, who dared to go against Rufus Shinra?


End file.
